Blameless

My spiritual family, I am sharing the following conversation with you. I am doing so to affirm your beliefs, as well as, there is a deep and wonderful lesson contained within this.

Wisdom was drawn out of me by the Lord, so that I could witness that he is with me. As of late, I have become down-hearted, and have lost passion for my place in the Lord. And he, being the best friend I have ever known, called me on it, and led me to an understanding of myself which I was unable to grasp. As it is, I have again began to live by my own interpretation of what was happening in my life here in the world.

It is a bit personal, and it is humbling to share it with you. But this is what it means to love; to set aside my self to bring light to others. So I hope that is what is accomplished here in. Bless you. I woke and gathered myself up this morning. I said my prayers, but found I had to speak aloud to focus on what I wanted to pray. It has been so for weeks now.

When I felt able to, I then sought out our Lord in the Spirit and said, "Lord, I commit this time for you. If it is good in your sight, let it be so."

And the Lord replied on Spirit immediately saying unto me,
"I have heard your calls in the night, and I have witnessed your fears in the day. There is nothing to be said because you lack the passion to endorse it with sincerity. I remain open to you, but you remain closed off to me because you have settled into your interpretations of what is to be.

Have I not shown you how to separate yourself? You are becoming like a worker who has lost zeal for his master's work. I say this to you because I know you have no power and you have no alternatives. Like a man who digs a ditch that fills in on itself, you see no progress, only your effort, which has begun to wane because you see no progress. I am aware of this.

I do not say this to be harmful. I say this in order that you understand what is upon you. You do not fail me, you are simply lost in what you are supplying me. So in order that you do not lose heart, I ask that you decide what is important to you."

I considered what was spoken unto me, and replied to the Lord,
"Lord, (what is important to me is)my place in you here, and my efforts to grow in you and the Father's sight, while I maintain my sanity and strive to observe some form of survival here. This is what my heart sais. My mind is otherwise drawn into influences like wealth and comforts. What wisdom I gleen from our time together is important to maintain a connection with those I consider 'spiritual family'. Other lesser concerns like my activity levels and habits and debt are seemingly set aside, and I feel it is because I am sad and powerless in my way here. Also being alone has left me feeling cast out, and then when I am judged by those who are petty, it hurts to continue. That is the sum of me, and the sum of me is what I guage as important. Soul heart mind body."

The Lord then said in Spirit,
"Have you ever been so lost? Without me, you would return to your ways. And you would come into hardship like a vessel being filled. You are without meaning in the world, and the world itself is set against everything you do. So what is the answer?"

I answered, "Integrity, and acceptance of things I suppose. Continue to dig the ditch until my master calls me to another task. Die trying, so to speak."

The Lord responded in Spirit,
"The answer you provide completes what I am seeing in you, and honors your place in me. What more do you need? There is nothing more that you need. I supply all that you need. Understand this because there is no place for my peace in the storms you keep yourself within. Your home is with me, I am aware of your circumstance, I will call you to a task and you will have renewed passion. But this is not that time. You must allow yourself to accept what cannot be changed, even though you are one who accepts nothing that stunts your will.

You are overwhelmed with stubborness, which is not a negative trait unless you are unwilling to see what holds you down. Which is everything in the world, and every expectation of your flesh. I wish for you to see this."

I confessed,
"Lord I have been failed so many times, I have gotten used to blaming myself for it. Is this true or am I deceiving myself."

In the Spirit the Lord replied,
"This is vital. This is how the enemy wants you to be. Because if you accept what fails you as your own then you remain blind to the truth in things. This is why I say to you that everything is set against you. It is not your fault, you are blameless on my sight. Did you think there would be no wisdom from me this day? I smile because you have now something to consider. And I nurtured it and brought it to bloom through you, and you have blossomed.

Blameless, so stop blaming yourself. Whatever you do, just give yourself some distance from blame. I am your judge, yet you are drawn into being the entire court against yourself. Allow yourself to be free of this, and if you do, happiness will rule your days."

I spoke,
"Lord, I have to spend time absorbing this. Allow me to do so."

He said in Spirit,
"So it will be."

I then prayed to the Most High,
"Father, my fear of failure is a deception I afford. Pride is at its root I fear, which is humbling to acknowledge. Father, your son is the greatest thing in my life, and without the Spirit that supplies your holiness, I would be a total loss. I am thankful for my bond with your Son. Amen."